Nothing Wasted
Especially the Pain.
It Doesn’t Seem Real?
My story seems surreal, but it’s true. My mess and yours are welcome here. You have your own unique story. God is not caught off guard by any of it. He is always there, my friend.
I write for healing, for managing challenges, for building relationships, and for serving others. God has been by my side through every step. Years ago, I discovered the powerful reality that “People matter more than possessions,” a belief that has shaped my existence ever since. When I was 19, I had a life-changing experience with God that led to a profound transformation, sparking a path of spiritual evolution and exploration.
Called to Pastor?
Not Yet at Least.
Despite feeling a persistent calling towards full-time ministry, I dedicated myself to raising a family in a small North Carolina community. Through prayer and seeking God’s purpose for my life, I embarked on a journey to discover my true calling, driven by a desire to live a life fully aligned with God’s plan. While I am not a pastor, I approach life with childlike faith, holding a deep love for Christ and a commitment to glorifying His name through my actions. I have served as a deacon and a leader in my community, finding joy in teaching Sunday School, leading men’s groups, and facilitating small groups at my church and beyond.
I founded and led my own corporation for over a decade serving clients like David Jeremiah and major nonprofits like The March of Dimes and Susan G. Komen. Blessed with two wonderful sons who have faced challenges beyond their years, I have experienced both victories and hardships in various aspects of life and business over the years. Throughout it all, God has been faithful, consistently providing opportunities for me to minister to others, whether they be students, colleagues, family members, or strangers in everyday interactions.
Storms Will Come
Mental Illness is Real
In 2017, my faith faced its greatest challenge thus far as my wife and best friend of over 20 years began to undergo significant changes battling mental illness and suicide ideation. This started with over a year of distancing herself from me. Despite our relentless efforts to help her, my wife tragically passed away in 2019 after multiple attempts to end her life. Enduring the aftermath of suicide is a harrowing experience for any family.
Suicide Shame
The “hush” of suicide settled in on our family. The shame, the questions, and this person we all loved so much seeking to leave this world. Nothing prepares you for this.
To compound our hardships, one of my wife’s multiple suicide attempts involved her burning up our home. After the fire, me and my boys were living in a Hampton Inn. It’s one of the lowest points I’ve known. We actually became very sick staying in that hotel room. Just the three of us, broken and empty. I had my vehicle and the clothes I wore to work the day of the fire. That’s all. And of course I had my sons ages 16 and 18. We suffered the loss of our home, clothes, and possessions. Our “safe space” called home was now also gone. I know I will never be the same and I will forever miss my best friend and wife Tamara. She was an incredible wife and mother. We who loved her most know that she was sick. She just wasn’t herself and we had to accept that she was gone.
The Stigma
is Real.
We all carry stories of struggle, pain, and loss. On April 17th, 2019, I held my wife’s hand as she took her last breath. A couple of months before my wife passed, I found myself in a Hampton Inn with my sons, grappling with the absence of their mother amidst a tumultuous whirlwind of change and adversity. The fragments of my life lay shattered and scattered. Seeking solace, I turned to an online Christian grieving group and mustered the courage to attend a GriefShare meeting at a local church near Burlington, NC.
In the midst of overwhelming despair, I felt crushed beyond measure. My usual support system had vanished, leaving only my faith and my parents as anchors. While my church offered unwavering support, they were unaware of the intricate details of my ordeal. Our community undoubtedly harbored a multitude of questions as we grappled with the hushed truths of suicide and the harrowing events leading up to it. The stigma surrounding suicide loomed large, shrouded in mystery and shame. The darkness and silence that accompany such tragedies are profound and isolating.
Our Heavenly Father
Knows Best.
A gift early after the death of my wife was a spirit of thankfulness. I truly became thankful that I had ever met my wife and raised 2 beautiful boys. I saw what I had in my faith and my family. My parents have stood by me like rocks and given so much as needed through this pain. So I know that you have pain and loss and your stories. I am sorry for your hurt.
As we walk alongside you, dear reader, we are reminded to keep our gaze fixed on the Chief Shepherd, Jesus Christ, our Ultimate Guide. Together, let’s embrace the challenges and victories of life, knowing that the Word of God is alive and proclaiming victory in Jesus, our Savior forever!